May of 1996

Should I or shouldn't I go? My sister, Patti had gotten the call. It looked like Daddy was not doing very well after two surgeries to repair a broken hip. There was a definite possibility that the end was near but my sister said it could still take another couple of weeks. We now lived in Vermont close to two siblings. Patti and my brother, Ted were going to drive down to Maryland that day.This was the day that Steve and I were going to spend a relaxed afternoon together, a lunch at a nice restaurant and then a walk in a park all in celebration of his birthday. The prospect of a low key celebration for my husband, and also the uncertainly of how soon things would happen with my father led me to delay my departure.

We saw my siblings before they took off. I reinforced my brother's provisions for the trip with a box of wheat thins, a small gesture but important to me as they went to do what I was not ready to do. I thought about them a lot after they left. I called Mom. Daddy seemed to be doing better.

The next morning my sister picked up the phone at 4a.m. It was the nursing home. He was worse. When she called me, Patti encircled with medical numbers - oxygen level, blood pressure, pulse rate. If I had to repeat any of it I doubt I could have done it accurately. The numbers swirled in my head. I could not use them to help make the decision about going. I just knew it was time to go. The decision to stay home had been made only with marginal peace. My heart was in Salisbury, and I needed to be where my heart was.

As I flew out of Vermont I knew many people in my church were praying for me. I arrived in Salisbury about 8p.m. A neighbor took me to the nursing home shortly after I arrived. Mother greeted me as I entered the home and escorted me to his room. Daddy had been slowly leaving us for years. Now as he lay in his hospital bed with his eyes closed he had entered that last stage before the leaving would be complete. We did not stay long. all of us went home, not knowing what the morning would bring.

Ted and Patti had other things to do and so Mother and I went to the nursing home alone. As soon as we stepped out of the elevator, a flock of women in white left Daddy's room and clustered around Mom and gave her the news. Daddy had died less than five minutes earlier. My mother tenderly said her goodbyes.

Phone calls after phone calls, flowers and more flowers, visitors to greet and arrangements to be made. The rest of the family arrived and we waited for the funeral.

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