Life by Grace Alone

(Most of our married life Steve has written me poetry on either my birthday or our anniversary. This piece was for our anniversary in December.) "Ordinary....how dull, why isn't your relationship extraordinary, exhilarating, memorable? some might say, What is more extraordinary  than joy that grows,  happiness that increases,  appreciation for one another that comes to greater flower?  Isn't there a blessedness of knowing the same person well?  Isn't it memorable to have shared   births and deaths,   copious tears and ringing laughter,   times of plenty and penury,   meals of the richest fare and Sunday evening snacks,   stifling heat and the cold of winter,   lumpy beds and Miss Mockett's broken chairs,   huddling close for warmth,   drinking tea laden with sympathy,    new and old traditions and unexpected adventures,    London,    Bermuda,    Mbale,   ...

The Nutcracker Suite is almost as common at Christmas as Jingle Bells and Silent Night. Although I had heard about it for many years December of 1970 was my first opportunity to see the ballet. I was a student at U of Md.I was pretty sure that this guy I had met through Intervarsity Christian Fellowship might very well have been the ONE. I wonder if God choreographed the dance we were performing. Only one of us at a time was certain of the future. That was the one who led the way while the other pulled back fearful of moving too fast or in the wrong direction.  I was somewhat surprised when Steve mentioned the ballet. Now I could actually see what all the talk had  been about.We had settled in our seats and the ballet had begun. Steve's arm was draped across my shoulders and at least two or three times he would pull me close and whisper that he loved me. I knew I liked him but love? I wasn't sure but I had to say something. I responded with an "I love you too" All I...

Years ago in another state, in another church, for another child this was the devotional I used at the baby shower. This baby is now a teen. Since God's truth is still the truth no matter the date on the calendar, I pulled it out for the latest baby shower where I am a member. One of a child's biggest frustrations is never being in charge. Even as he grows and makes some decisions for himself, his parents always seem ready to be the final authority. At what age does a child first think some variation of "I can't wait to grow up and get to make all the decisions myself!"? Then the day finally arrives. You are a mother. Your days of being a dependent child are over with. But the day has come when I'm sure you're sick of making decisions, when you're so tired of all the responsibilities. You'll remember longingly those days when you could easily crawl up into your daddy's lap, and he could fix anything. Yes, the time comes when each of ...

When I was a lot younger but still an adult I entertained a crazy idea about aging that even though it seemed true I knew it wasn't. It seemed to me that elderly people just sprung up that way. Suddenly they appeared just skin and bones with  not a whole lot of past and not very much future. Silly idea isn't it? When my grandmother was skin and bones, I only understood a little of her past. Most of the pictures that were younger showed her at a healthier weight and less wrinkles but she still had a bun and the same kind of  nondescript dress and no smile. I loved Carrie Parsons but I only knew her as the elderly woman who sewed a lot, and made wonderful potato rolls with a sugar glaze. Her severe hearing problem kept her from hearing the news on television and also kept her from gleaning more from the fast and sometimes thoughtless conversations around her. Yes, the last couple of years my mother was skin and bones like my grandmother had been and she also had a hearing lo...

At the first of the month I had the privilege of spending a week with my husband, two of our four children, their spouses and all of our 6 grandchildren. We had a somewhat crazy but good time in the Outer Banks. Steve and I came home late Sunday night. On Tuesday afternoon my brother came to take me with him to my mother's house. It was time for the first garage sale of my mother's things.  The contents of the sale included everything from costume jewelry to a butterfly house and antique guns. The driveway was strewn with only part of the accumulation of 72 years of my mother's 95 years of living. Except for those years in a nursing home much of  my parents 50 years of  marriage were spent side by side. The last of my father's things were easy to spot mixed in with Christmas decorations and discarded kitchen appliances. Many things in the house will remain in their accustomed places until we each carry our new- to- us possessions to our homes. A good number of these...

My mother died the middle of  March. The other week I spent time in my mother's home with my siblings and other close relatives. We discussed who might want what items and when we would take them home as well as other estate matters. Even though some of us were bolder than others, we all exhibited an awkwardness about expressing our desires. One of our group said that it wasn't necessary to have anything of  Mom's since the memories of Mom's life were so vibrant. I understand what he said because I also have strong memories that span many years. For me it is more than remembering Mom fondly. Having some of  her possessions highlights how God has chosen to bless me through my family. Some of the things that I have asked for came from my grandmother's home. As the only surviving offspring my mother placed a few of Grandmother's pieces of furniture throughout her house weaving reminders of her past household with pieces from the present. Mother had put on paper...

I recently read that the Japanese instead of throwing away old broken items, will sometimes fill the cracks with gold. They believe that something that is damaged and has a history is valuable and worth saving and treasuring. Many years ago my grandmother accidentally broke a large china vase. I remember when she told me the story of the vase.  I would imagine my grandfather who died when my mom was in college, was not given to impulsive gift giving. One day he returned from the market with a surprising addition to the usual staples. He sheepishly handed his wife a large ceramic pink and white pitcher the kind that would usually adorn the hearth of a fireplace or perhaps hold dried flowers. It was far too large and heavy for more practical purposes.  He told her he guessed he should have bought a bag of flour. That pitcher sat in my grandmother's living room for many years. None of her grandchildren ever knew Laird Parsons but they did know the story of his impulsive kindnes...

Marriage can seem like an impossible task. We spend most of our lives looking out for number 1. Sure we have many moments when we are concerned about the needs of a friend or a relative. When we have been other focused it doesn't take us long to get back to focusing on what we think is most important. "What gives me the most pleasure or satisfaction? How can I treat myself?" As a single person it is much easier to deny how very self centered we are. Usually on the honeymoon or somewhat later we realize that life is not all about us. We make great efforts to deal kindly with our number 1 guy and even what seems like a very selfless moment quickly degenerates to self-centeredness. Every married couple is 2 self centered sinners. How can such a union last? How do 2 people with different goals, family background, and aspirations become a successful marriage? I am certain that no book on marriage has ever looked to the Westminster Catechism for the basis of marital advi...

My mother died in March. She was 95. My seventh grandchild died after only 12 weeks in my daughter's womb. Some would say the life of neither one had much value. My mother had overstayed the usual life expectancy and my grandchild never drew a breath outside of her mother. No matter at what stage of life this woman and great- grandchild were, they both were valued by our family and by God. My husband and I had just returned from my mother's house after spending 5 days. While we were there he studied for a class while I sorted through the many books that had been squirreled away in the attic and other places in the house. I knew Jessica was not feeling well and I hoped that by now she was feeling better. Not long after we came home, Jessica came to tell us the news. No matter how strongly the baby's heart had beat a week before, it was beating no longer. After 12 weeks the pregnancy had clearly ended. They were both heart broken and her dad comforted them in a fatherly and...

God has allowed me to go through some hard experiences in life. I dealt with  2 cases of breast cancer as well as my father's decline  and death from Alzheimers. If you have not suffered just wait. Suffering is eventually a part of every person's life. After my first bout with cancer I was determined to learn whatever God wanted me to learn from this. I was drawn to the words of the Puritan Thomas Watson. He said that our good and God's glory are found in the same direction. It was much easier to see how God was glorified through my cancer than it was to see how it was for my good. The many brothers and sisters in Christ who took the time to pray, write me an encouraging note, cook a meal, provide a ride to radiation treatments brought glory to God as they demonstrated the unity in the body of Christ. As the years passed and I went through my second breast cancer and radical surgery, I  became more certain of the importance of the attributes of God. They are important n...

I need to apologize to a few people after the death of my mother. Repeatedly people have said to me that they are sorry for my loss. I would often say it was a good thing. She was 95 and her true home was heaven. After a major stroke if she had lived she would have had no speech and her ability to move would probably have been impaired. God dealt kindly with her by taking her when He did. I think I might have responded to the wrong statement. I responded as if they had said "I'm sorry your mother died." Although death is still the enemy because it is the result of the Fall, it also can be a tool God uses for good. Have I experienced a loss? Most definitely. I have lost my mother who was a whole person. Some aspects of my loss may seem inconsequential. There is no one from another state who wants a first hand report on the weather. There is no one left who can answer a multitude of seemingly unimportant questions about family history. I have now one less challenging pers...

I shared these words at my mother's funeral. She was 95 and had lived a good life. I knew that my mother would be uncomfortable with all the super nice things people say on these occasions and so I decided to change the focus somewhat. Mother was born at her home in Parsonsburg, Md. It would be many years before she would venture far. From the front door of  of her home Mom could see the family's church and the graveyard where family and friends were buried. she needed no school bus. Only a short walk across the street was required to get to the small elementary school she attended. There were only 13 students in 2 classrooms. One summer Mother went to a Vacation Bible School. There she was taught a prayer. This is the prayer she learned to pray:          Our Father,          Give me clean hands, clean words and clean thoughts.          Help me to fight for the hard right against the easy wrong. ...

I have an ongoing project trying to sort and organize the mountain of papers I have saved over the years. A significant number of them fall into the category of "my writing".This morning as I picked up an older folder, one paper stood out. Instead of it being neatly typed this was on a crumpled sheet of paper filled with words in green ink. Instead of stating a problem and then giving the Biblical insight, Joanie Doe, mother of young children just stated the problem. What words of wisdom would Joanie Doe, mother of 4 adults and 6 grandchildren have for her younger self? I read a second time the words written in my pre-computer days. Half of my life I am drowning in a flood of partially eaten apples, dirty unmatched socks, and tiny pieces of toys that hurt when crunched underfoot. Little helpers stick dirty fingers in my futile attempts to accomplish something, anything. When dishes are finally cleaned, rooms are straightened ( "When's company coming, Mommy?")...

Friday night I got to spend some time with my son, Josh, his wife, and their 3 active children. At some point in the evening, I challenged my son to remember. He usually tells me that he doesn't remember anything about growing up. I always insisted he must remember something. He did remember his favorite hymn as a young boy. My 30 year old son, soon to be father of 4 began to sing "Jesus ,what a friend for sinners. Jesus lover of my soul." I joined him as he sang "Friends may fail me, foes assail me. He my savior makes me whole." I remember my son's arm raised waiting to request his favorite at a Sunday night worship service. "Hallelujah, what a savior. Hallelujah, what a friend" For grownup Josh these are not just words that happen to go to a catchy tune. They are now a declaration of what he himself believes. Mother and son, two generations together able to declare. "Saving, helping, keeping, loving He is with me to the end." We stopp...

I am a paper collector. Cards, notes, and brochures from past vacations mark the last 43 years of my life as they lay scattered in drawers and boxes in no order at all . I am also a procrastinator. Dealing with  these odds and ends is on my list right under cleaning out the medicine cabinet. My Vermont daughter, Laura  is downsizing, inspired by u-tube videos created by a woman who addresses the subject of organizing in almost every way possible. My Virginia daughter, Jessica caught the bug from her sister. Soon I was helping her sort through her clothes. "How many pairs of jeans does one person need?" was one of the many questions we asked each other as her pile of castoffs grew. This bug can be contagious and soon I was the one with the growing pile of castoff clothes. Dresses, pants, and tops, many that once were prize possessions became victims of logic and the careful appraisal of my daughter, friend, and fashion guru. When the last piece of clothing was either banned ...

This Valentine's Day   marked what would have been my parents wedding anniversary. In 1942 they were married in a quiet ceremony in my mother's home. My mother's pastor did the service. My paternal grandmother provided the cake. Only the immediate family was present in addition to a few friends. They had a best man and a maid of honor. Their "honeymoon" consisted of a trip to Baltimore to their new apartment. As I think back on my parents I can not remember anything that would make me think they would choose Valentines  Day as their wedding day. Perhaps the constant presence of the 5 of us may have hidden the clues that would have solved this mystery. I remember the first time I saw the picture of my parents as teenagers on the boardwalk at Ocean City, Md. They were sitting on a bench, that today might hold girls dressed in suits that barely cover them or older gentlemen whose bellies hang over their bermuda shorts. During my mother's years of dating, the ...

Communicating with others whether privately or professionally is an important factor in everyday life. We are so used to communicating through e-mails or on facebook. Sentences may or not start with a subject that is capitalized. New words like "selfies" pop into our vocabulary while older more expressive words atrophy from lack of use. Speed and ease seem to have a greater value than accurate and wise communication. When our children were growing up I would tell them  that swearing was not pleasing to God. I would also tell them that swearing communicated little to others except that you had a negative attitude. Swearing often seems nonsensical when you are looking for facts and not just emotion. Ever since I can remember, most of us have abused the word love. One of the definitions for love is a feeling of strong or constant affection for a person . That definition is only the beginning. On a regular basis, I hear someone use the verb love to communicate  strong, positiv...

As I look over my list of posts I see that in November and December I started 3 posts that I never completed. I think this is the first time since I started my blog in 2010 that I have not posted at least 1 time every month. As with so many things the temptation is to stop completely. You have stopped exercising and you wonder, isn't walking the dog enough? You have changed your diet for health reasons but over the holidays you have slid back to your old ways. As long as you don't gain weight ,isn't that the only thing that matters? You no longer read your Bible daily using the plan your friend suggested and now you wonder if it matters anyway. Perhaps your old haphazard plan to read the Bible whenever was okay with God.  Just as I don't feel comfortable with any of these responses neither do I feel comfortable stopping the blog. For a long time I have been consciously aware of God's grace in my life. Since I started my blog I have had to discipline myself to be o...