Life by Grace Alone

During my years growing up, one table was always at the center of our family life. My father's parents had a round oak table in their kitchen. When my grandmother died, my parents with their three children moved into the farmhouse with my grandfather and the round oak became ours. By the time I turned 12, I had not just two older brothers but also two younger sisters. That was the year my grandfather died. Our family along with the round oak table moved to the other side of town. As the years went by, many of us sought round oak tables for our homes. Perhaps it was a way of taking a little bit of our childhood home with us. We bought our table while in California. It was there that our family of  four shared meals at our antique oak table. A third child joined us when we moved back to Maryland. A fourth child completed our circle of six shortly after moving to Nebraska. Our last move with all of our children occurred when we left Nebraska for Vermont where we had the challenge of...

Recently we had our 40th anniversary. Wow! We don't feel old enough to be married that long. The calender does not lie. We wonder if with the months and years we have accumulated more wisdom and maturity than we have wrinkles and gray hair.  Although we may feel like we have not grown very much, an understanding of the character of God shows us that because of his love for us and his faithfulness we have made significant strides as individual believers and as a couple. No matter how often people may ooh and ah over the seemingly magical word 40 there is no room for back patting. God is the source of all growth and wisdom. When couples no matter how many times they get off course remember that it's Jesus who provides their center of gravity, it doesn't make life easier but it does make life stable. Each couple knows where they are grounded and they aren't free floating. There have been many excellent books written on marriage in the past few years. All of us who have b...

 Over 9 years ago we moved to our  house in Virginia. The family room had a fireplace with a wood burning insert complete with a fan. After my sensitivity to wood smoke increased, we only used it a few times. Since the insert took up so much space, Steve decided to get rid of it. The easiest thing to do was to send out an e-mail on freecycle. The hard thing was whoever wanted it had to take it out themselves. We needed to be sure that what the person wanted  was what we had to offer. We also had to be sure they had the manpower to take out the heavy cast iron insert. I e-mailed back the woman who wanted it, sending her more information and hoping she actually read it. Over the years I have seen time after time when things like this become more and more complicated. I expected that to happen this time. Two men showed up at the appointed hour. They had the right equipment and in a reasonable amount of time they removed the insert and loaded it on their truck. ...

I started my last post by mentioning a book called Open Heart Open Home. I should have also included a reference to another book that made a big impression on me early in our marriage. This book was called A Season of Friendship by Ruth Senter.  I found my copy of it hidden among an eclectic gathering of books in our spare bedroom. For a while I encouraged every friend I had to read this book. What made the book so special? It was the history of Ruth Senter's  friendships. Although the whole book was important to me, it was the last story about her friendship with a sister in Christ named Audra that I remember the best. Audra was that unusual combination of amazing accomplishments outside of the home, incredible domestic skills and a great sensitivity and graciousness towards others. Immediately Ruth felt that her new friend was totally out of her league. Although Ruth enjoyed Audra, she wouldn't stop comparing Audra's successes with all of her own lesser accomplishments....

Years ago I read a book called Open Heart, Open Home by Karen Mains. She had a simple but profound theme. Hospitality and entertaining are not the same thing. Entertaining says "Here am I. Here is my house with its decorating touches and nice furniture all of which have been treated well by my wonderful cleaning skills. Here is my beautifully set table ready for my mouth watering dishes that were all carefully prepared. Relax and enjoy what I have done for you. Aren't I wonderful?" Hospitality says " How can I serve? What are your needs? My home and any of my homemaking skills are only tools as I seek to show you the love of Christ." Most of us will find ourselves somewhere between entertaining and hospitality. Because of our sin nature we are more often motivated by our own ego than the love of Christ. We are not content to know that our home exhibits enough order that our guests feel comfortable. We want our guests to marvel at our decorating ability,perhap...

People have always told me that I am articulate. I used to think that being fairly articulate was a good thing. Expressing your thoughts with clarity would be a good goal for any of us. Not too long ago I was having a problem with someone. When I sought advise from a friend, she suggested that maybe this person found the fact that I was so articulate to be intimidating. Wow! One of my better traits might be forming a barrier between other people and me. It took me a while to understand how that could possibly be so. Perhaps those of us who are articulate and often times passionate, state things so well in a definite way, it is harder, if not impossible, for the other person to express himself. Ideas that are better than or as good as those expressed may go unspoken. God makes some of us more articulate not to increase our personal victories but to increase greater understanding for everyone. That should come from the expression of  ideas of others as well as our own ideas. I'm cert...

The day of my husband's homecoming finally arrived. My son Chris and I left for the hour and a half drive to the Dulles Airport. I had talked to Steve the night before. He had been at a hotel a short distance from Heathrow. One of his activities was taking a hot shower (somewhat rare in Uganda) and shaving off his almost 5 week old beard. It looked good on skype. My husband usually does look good with a beard but (I can hear you beard lovers moan) he knows I can't tolerate very well kissing his bearded face. Since kissing his face with gusto was an important part of his anticipated homecoming, Steve knew the beard had to go. Steve was determined to preach in church the day after he got back. Although he had spent much time preparing the sermon, he spent more time finishing it on the plane until the screen went blank. He didn't give it much thought hoping to be able to pull it up and print it when we got to the church. Chris and I parked the car and we hurried to find wh...

I don't usually post on my blog this frequently. This is something that I want to remember. My husband left for Uganda on August 15 and he is scheduled to return Saturday September 17. We have communicated any way that would work, instant messaging or phone calls. Today for my birthday he called. In the middle of our call we lost the connection. I was sure that was all that would happen. I went to the computer and gravitated to his facebook page. He was smiling from under his OPC baseball cap. The picture reminded me of our short time at the beach with family. Suddenly the sound of a skype call rang out. The call wasn't very long but I got to see his face. Later in the day beautiful flowers arrived that Steve had ordered before leaving for Uganda. I was happy to receive them but they could not compare to the present I received when I saw his bearded face. I could see the twinkle in his eye and his soft smile. We will, God willing, have many days, special as well as those quit...

Years ago I remember approaching my grandmother as she was in the door of the bathroom at my parents' house. I wished her a happy birthday. I don't remember which birthday it was. I only remember that she was old enough that at my young age the number could take my breath away, most likely 80 plus. She said she didn't feel that old but when she looked at all her wrinkles she knew she was that age. I doubt I understood the amazement she felt as she faced another birthday, but as I turn 63 I now get it. Over the past few years I periodically notice a few extra wrinkles here or there or a different texture of my skin. These unexpected signs along with others bear witness to the unstoppable march of time. I have often bemoaned the fact that we can't notice them little by little. Why does it seem like I've been pushed into a chair under a bright light and been forced to examine the contours of my face in the reflection of one of those magnifying mirrors? Wouldn't i...

God blesses all of us in countless individual and corporate ways. Since Steve left on August 15, I have been blessed to be a part of my daughter's nesting experience as she waited for the birth of her son Henry. After doing a significant amount of organizing at home, she turned her attention to organizing at our church building. Jessica almost singlehandedly arranged for a church work day. She wrote a list of jobs and asked various people for suggestions. Jess talked to any number of people about being a part of that day. She shared with them about what would happen. She asked the right man to supervise. She and I put up a bulletin board about the day. In the past only the same few people have come. When this work day arrived complete with food Jessica arranged, twenty five people came to work together. When the day was done, the building looked great. Those of us who came that day blessed each other as we accomplished our tasks and our building looked like something we could feel ...

My complete experience of daily interacting with a culture outside of the United States was when we were in Uganda for three weeks six years ago. I was immediately hit with how totally different their culture is than ours. Next a great wave of emotion swept over me as I felt guilty not for all the new things I had bought recently, but for all the things cluttering my house that I knew could disappear tomorrow and I wouldn't have missed them. Somehow I thought if those things could have been packed in my luggage, that gift would have generously enhanced the lives of these people. It doesn't take long to realize that just as more things do not provide the answer to my problems, more things will not erase their problems either. If I could suddenly take all the things I had been storing for my next garage sale, and given them to these people, the chances are I would not have blessed them. Instead I would have burdened them. Uganda and the United States, both are places where you ...

I remember the potholes from our trip to Uganda six years ago. They are far worse than any I have experienced in this country. If we suddenly had such a problem here everyone would be obsessed by them. Politicians would rise or fall depending on how they promised to deal with them. In Uganda it is just normal life. Also normal life is no electrical power because it is being diverted to another country and this is a source of funds for the Ugandan government. Although most of the time there is power it is impossible to know how long and how often there will be no power. For those of us used to the amazing reliability of our western utilities, adjusting to this on again off again life style seems very difficult. I also remember the beautiful singing voices of the Ugandan women and how much they yearned for a key board and a sound system. I would tell them if they had these things they might rely on them too much and not sing as well. Steve has mentioned the incredible balancing act th...

This is probably not the title for this post. I'm sure there will be many waves he will have to endure by the grace of God in the month or so he has over there. From my very personal viewpoint it feels like smooth sailing because I should be able to talk to him regularly. He left on Monday, August 15 and the first time I could talk to him was Friday, August 19. That was the longest 4 days of my life. He did not have his own phone then. He was using the phone belonging to Al Tricarico, one of our missionaries. On Saturday he tried skyping me. ( Is that the right terminology?) He could see and hear me but I could only see him. I gave him a few goofy video kisses, and then was rewarded with the sight not sound of his laughter. I have wondered over the years if the reason he has had so few colds has anything to do with how much he laughs. I'm glad the absence of the audio and my goofy kisses could produce such a wonderful sight. Later when he was visiting a South African couple ...

Six years ago Steve and I went out to eat for what I thought was going to be an ordinary meal. In between bites of take two choices, he informed me that there was a need for pastors to go to Uganda to teach at the Bible college in Mbale and he thought he should volunteer. I told him I would stay home and faithfully pray for him. Uganda was very far removed from my comfort zone. When Steve shared his desire with the elders they were adamant that I should go as well. On my birthday, September 14 we flew to Uganda. As the plane lifted off the ground, I was still uncertain how well I would fare during the three weeks in Africa, but I was thrilled at the thought of our six days in England. England had been a dream destination for years.When the time came to leave Uganda, we left people we cared about, and carried with us memories we treasured. We hoped for an opportunity to return. The opportunity has come for Steve to return. I need to remember that God is providing me with many opp...

We worked on VBS this past week. It's hard to believe that there was a time when most churches did VBS for 2 weeks. We all have been counting down. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. My daughter who is over 7 months pregnant taught 13 children ages3-6. Thank God for those who helped her. I am the one who everyday told the story of Jonah in 5 installments to children in 4 classes. Our director has been preparing for this for a long time in spite of difficult family events she's been dealing with. Yes, only five days, five full days that have increased our understanding of Biblical truth and our love for the young ones God has sent our way. By the way most children no matter how well behaved they are, can be very exhausting. Monday begins another countdown that in a way began months ago. Monday will be day 14 before my husband flies to Uganda without me. Important facts to remember - 1) God is sovereign 2) Just as God was with Jonah no matter what country he was in, so will He be with Steve no mat...

Recently My husband and I were rearranging the the various tea pots, figurines, and etc. sitting on the antique secretary shelves. I picked up a small glass bottle and ran my finger over the bumps that formed its design. I remembered well when I purchased it. My two oldest were just into their teen years. My younger daughter was about 9 years old and my son was about 7. We had just spent time at a church camp in western Nebraska. We were headed home to Lincoln, pulling the pop up trailer we had all slept in at the camp. Hopefully we would make it home in time to attend the wedding of a friend. When we were perhaps an hour on the road, a problem occurred with the trailer. We pulled into a town and found someone to fix the trailer. This wasn't the kind of town that provided much to enthrall a family with four children. I think I was the one that saw it first. It looked like a store but the sign said something like rock museum. An elderly couple were about to leave as we pulled up. T...

I think I probably met Trudi sometime before I heard that she was trying to start a women's retreat for  the New England Presbytery. Trudi hunted and hunted until she found a retreat site in Massachusetts. I'm not sure when the idea entered my head to volunteer to be a workshop speaker. The topic of friendship seemed to be a natural and fortunately I had discovered a book that covered the important Biblical principles on the subject of friendship. I was one of the "insiders" as Trudi began to do an amazing job of organizing everything about how the retreats would function. She with a few other women worked on registration procedures and many other details. We were blessed to have a woman in our presbytery who was a gifted speaker. It didn't take long before it was obvious that the retreat was a success. It has continued to happen every year. Trudi years ago ceased to have an active role. Recently I heard that she died. I'm sure she was delighted to go even t...

Frederick Henry Doe was a man so loved and respected, people throughout his family have used the name Frederick whenever it was reasonably possible sometimes as a first name other times as a middle name. My daughter is going to have a boy in September. Giving the name Frederick a rest, this baby will be named Henry. The passage of time does not seem to dim the impact this quiet strong man had on those around him. Nine years before F.H. Doe died, my husband, the youngest son put into words what his father meant to him. With Steve's permission I would like to share with you what he wrote. In the land where I live the word "father" breeds dreams, dreams that twist and stir within. Dreams of voids, of fathers long absent, of silent, stony men. Dreams of words and looks to kill the spirit, or dreams too dark to speak. But, there is for me, joy in that word. "Father is a surveyor and engineer with a slide r...

Herndon , Va. is my husband's home town. When his parents were alive every trip home was another opportunity for Steve to share his memories of growing up in Herndon across the street from the only school he ever attended before college. Our family grew and soon I as well as the four children shared in Steve's fountain of memories. We heard about the lawns he cut and the papers he delivered as well as the weeds he didn't want to pull. Years passed. His big sister who had given him his first Bible died unexpectedly. Little did we know that as his dad grieved over her, his prostate cancer was returning and about a year later he too was gone. The fact that he was not a young man at 89 did not make his death any easier to bear. We moved to Steve's home state. The years had taken their toll on his mom and soon she was living in a home near by. The joy of her nearness was dimmed by the sadness of witnessing less clarity in her thinking. The day came when she too was gone. ...

I remember a Mother’s Day years ago when a pastor quoted “ God couldn’t be everywhere therefore He made mothers.” Do you think the one who penned this forgot something amazing like God’s omnipresence? Perhaps you know this poem. M-O-T-H-E-R "M" is for the million things she gave me, "O" means only that she's growing old, "T" is for the tears she shed to save me, "H" is for her heart of purest gold; "E" is for her eyes, with love-light shining, "R" means right, and right she'll always be, Put them all together, they spell "MOTHER," A word that means the world to me. This poem has been read over the years by many people to celebrate Mother’s day. The great band leader, Eddie Arnold turned it into a song There are many others pieces of this caliber that could be added to this one. Unfortunately this is typical of the kind of sentiments that people have expressed about Mother’s Day over the...

My whole adult life and perhaps longer I have been an expert at losing things. Money, keys, my glasses, my favorite pen, a comb, a certain jacket, or the right shoes - the list is endless. I wish I could say once found, always found. Most of the time I can't say that, especially when it comes to glasses and keys. These thoughts were far from my mind last Saturday when my conscientious husband called me with the surprise suggestion that he stop his duties at noon and we would go eat down town. We talked about a number of things but our conversation was peppered with comments about his upcoming trip to Uganda. This was to be our return trip after six years. Our memories of the places and the people are rich. Although our missionaries would be gone, there are still a number of strong Ugandan Christians who would act as anchors for our time there. Other factors came into play and the decision was made that he will go alone. Although I know it is not so, I have this irrational idea that...

Thank God it doesn't stop. Grace permeates every day. God's unmerited favor abounds in our lives. It starts of course with God's forgiveness of our sins. The fact that the all powerful God who is just and merciful would form a plan with the trinity to preserve His people, overwhelms us. How could he love us with such fierceness in spite of our sin? In the plan of redemption every part of the trinity Father, Son, and Holy Ghost demonstrates loving care for those sinners God has chosen. We have a four year old granddaughter named Grace. She understands very little of the meaning of her name but she loves her name anyway. Her granddad is a minister. On a couple occasions she has called him Pastor Poppop. During every sermon when he says the word grace, you know the kind of grace that should be in all capitols, Grace perks up and turns to a parent and says in a stage whisper, "Poppop said my name." , her voice filled with wonder. Wonder will continue to be her respon...

This morning I went to the supermarket with my granddaughter , Grace and her mom, my daughter Jessica. We had just come out of the store. Grace had stayed with her mother during the shopping trip. Although Jessica is in the second trimester of her pregnancy and she thought she could handle Grace's free spirit method of shopping. (Everything that strikes her fancy might go in the cart.), by the time we were ready to leave it was obvious that Grace had pushed her own agenda way too much. Since Grace seemed to be calm as we were loading the car. I thought this might be a teachable moment. "Grace", I asked "When you disobey what happens? Do you get frustrated or hurt?" Ah what a wise Nana, a simple principle. When you disobey bad things can happen. She ignored me. I asked the question a second time. This time she did not hesitate. With eyebrows raised and shoulders tense, she threw out her answer. " I get mad at Mommy and God and Daddy." Her mother and I w...

Have you ever thought how much wiser we would be if we took to heart some of the words mothers are saying to their young children? My granddaughter, Grace is 4 years old. Ever since her second birthday when her vocabulary seemed to increase dramatically overnight, my daughter began to respond to the first sign of frustration, pain, or anger from Grace with one command. "Use your words." This is the first step to unknitting eyebrows,eliminating stomping, and hushing wailing. I've been amazed at the transformation from indignant daughter to initially reluctant but agreeable child, all because she chooses the right words to communicate her problem. Sounds simple enough, doesn't it? If it truly is simple, why do we as adults find it so hard to do? How many times have you been puzzled about why a friend doesn't speak to you but you don't try to speak to her and you may even be less ready to speak to her the next time? Another day a friend tells you she has develope...

I have a dear friend whom I met at my husband's first church in California. Jan's little girl who started to walk shortly after our friendship began, is now the married mother of 3 children. My friend and I live on two different coasts . We are both grandmothers, actively involved in the lives of our grandchildren. Although we don't talk much now, we have a history that cements our friendship. I remember at the age of 45 taking advantage of our different time zones. I had received my diagnosis of breast cancer that day. It was approaching 2:00a.m. and I could not sleep. Bothering my physically and emotionally exhausted husband was out of the question. Then I remembered Jan who was 3 time zones away. I called, afraid I was too late even for Pacific standard time. Thankfully she answered. In a quavering voice almost hushed after so much weeping I asked "Could you pray for me please?" She did. Time passed. Again Jan had a friend who was battling cancer. After y...

Why is it that the simplest, most crucial life lessons are the ones we have to keep relearning. I know this is not the first time I've understood this principle. This week God drove it home in a powerful way. Eight months ago I had surgery. As you would expect the bills were numerous. Insurance seemed to have done its fair share but we were still in the process of paying the remainder. On Monday a letter arrived from the hospital inquiring about a bill of $18,000 we had not paid. It sounded like the insurance company was not going to pay any more. I felt like I had been socked in the gut. How were we going to handle that much additional debt? Calling the insurance company only increased the heaviness in the center of my being. At some odd point perhaps after sharing with the 3rd or 4th person about the dreaded bill, an overwhelming thought entered my head. I'm acting like I am alone in this and God is nowhere to be found. What if this is somehow my fault and we have to pay al...

A long time before I met Steve, I had heard the old adage that a pastor's wife could not have friends within her church. Sometimes the emphasis is on the perceived jealousy some women will express towards those women you seem to prefer. Perhaps I am saved from that problem because of the Presbyterian form of government. I can not be viewed as first lady of our church since we have four men on the session with equal voting power. Getting closer to me would not get any woman closer to the seat of power. I have heard other Presbyterian pastors' wives express frustration about making friends within the church and so there isn't just one answer to this question. A lot depends on what a woman is looking for in a friend. I have been blessed a few times with women with whom I can speak freely but at the same time they will not let me get away with an unbiblical response to life. They keep my secrets but at the same time hold me accountable. Whether I was a pastor's wife or no...

Recently I was asked to give the devotional for a wedding shower. After 39 years of marriage I find the best advice I can give are the simple reminders of simple and yet glorious truths. I hope this rings true for you no matter where you are in life. Who are you? That’s a question people have asked often. How many people in the past have left home and current relationships in order to “find themselves”? The whole concept might make you laugh because you know who you are. You can look at your driver’s license if you’re a very forgetful person. Perhaps what defines you more than a quick snapshot at the DMV is the relationships you have with the people that are closest to you. Your parents and then your siblings are the people God first uses to bring out all those good and bad characteristics within you; some of these may still be apparent in your life. Then you who have been primarily just daughter and sister go off to school. You make friends and you relate to adults in authority, te...

Recently I read something I wrote when my daughters who are now almost 29 and 33, were little girls. The truth of what I wrote applies to any age "Laura, Laura!" I yelled again for my seven year old daughter while I tied the shoes of her three year old sister. "We're going to be late for the movie." Laura yelled back"Where's my red purse? I can't go without it." "Forget it and come now or we won't go at all." My voice rose with each word. I looked down in time to see my younger daughter throw off her coat and run to the bathroom. Finally Laura and Jessica were in the car strapped into their seats. Finally I flopped into my seat beside my usually patient husband, Steve. Baby Josh had been crying and Chris our eldest had been making noises appropriate for his intergalactic imagination. Through gritted teeth I snarled the words " We're going to have a good time if it kills us." Sounds familiar? Many times we plan act...