Life by Grace Alone

I found the lump in January. Since I was certain it was a cyst, I waited until September when abnormal bleeding scared me enough I went to a doctor. When the visit was over the cause of the bleeding was not found but a mammogram had found a possible cancer. As hard as it was to believe I found myself in a surgeon's office. After examining the results from the mammogram she ordered surgery to take place two days later. 50 - 50 chance of cancer. At the sound of her words I wanted to run. Instead I waited for the blood work to be done. When I came home I called Christian friends in other churches and asked for prayer, and then I hunted and found my little notebook filled with verses I had drunk deeply from a little less than a year ago. I read God's words in Isaiah 43:1-3 . "Don't be afraid, because I have saved you. I have called you by name and you are mine." What a tender beginning. Called me by name I am his. "When you pass through the waters I will be with ...

A friend recently was diagnosed with breast cancer. That led me to look at journal entries I had made seventeen years ago when I had my first breast cancer scare. We had been living in Lincoln, Nebraska for over nine years. We knew my husband was going to a new church in Vermont.That meant making a major move at Thanksgiving. In September my doctor scheduled me for a breast biopsy. His assurance that it was most likely benign did little to ease my anxiety. This surgery, especially the timing, seemed terribly unfair. I didn't need some chart on stress factors to know that a move and an operation were both towards the top of the list. After a sleepless night and many tears I decided to do something sensible. I pulled out my Bible. Like so many others when life seems to be closing in on them, I rediscovered the Psalms. I filled a notebook with the Psalms and other scriptures I had underlined during my time of intense study. There was nothing routine about this exercise, no easy fill...

I had surgery last Wednesday. Hopefully this will be the end of an emotional and medical roller coaster ride that has lasted more than a year. I had surgery a year ago and two more surgeries that were brought on by the first. What the first surgery sought to remove was never found. Two different doctors called what was supposed to be there by two different names and a third doctor said that the two terms refer to two different things. Another doctor said according to all the pathology reports there was nothing to worry about. This is a short explanation of the fact that possibly I shouldn't have had any surgery. Where did someone go wrong? Where did I go wrong? Why didn't God change things just a little here or there so I wouldn't have had to endure all the trauma of three surgeries in one year? Do I need to get my questions answered? Who would answer them? My mind for the past few weeks has dwelt on these questions which have led in the direction of anger at God. Other ...