Life by Grace Alone

As a child Saturday mornings would find me with at least some of my siblings in front of the television set. The Lone Ranger Show and the Roy Rogers Show were 2 of our favorites. Even if you came into the room late it was easy to tell the bad guys from the good guys. The bad guys wore black hats and the good guys wore white hats. Nothing ever blurred the obvious line between black and white. No foul weather or foul fights turned any hats gray. Those distinctions were fine for children's television but not for real life. The black hats versus the white hats became one of the relics of the past as many t.v. shows and movies began to often focus on more complex characters. Even though this part of the media has made this transition, another media has not. We now live in a society where many people reject at least in part the idea of absolutes. That seems true until there is a shooting especially a school shooting. As soon as a shooting occurs we are inundated with pronouncements a...

Recently someone posted a quote on facebook. It went something like this. "Until God opens a door, praise him in the hallway." That sounded so good. There are so many situations we find ourselves in where we feel stuck in the nether world between our now treasured ordinary blessed life and the possibility of a horrible or at least radically different set of circumstances. You know the type of situation I'm talking about. 1)Your husband has received word that his company is transferring him to a different location. One possibility is a place near your favorite relatives and the other location is in another country. 2)You are waiting for the result of a medical test. One diagnosis could involve painful prolonged procedures, and the other possibility could be handled with a mild medication. 3) You are pregnant. The doctor says there could be a birth defect that is very serious and perhaps could  result in the death of the child or if there is a problem it may be only mino...

I remember when Steve was the first pastor of his first church in California, we had no children and so it was fairly easy for me to go to presbytery meetings with him. I quickly began to pick out the pastor's wives who had been given by their husbands strict guidelines about what to say and not say if asked about his ministry. (Do say, "We have someone new every week." Don't say, " Our visitors never come back") Over the years Steve has developed a habit of calling or writing notes to a number of pastors he thinks might need to be encouraged. We never talked about it very much and he only mentioned this in passing. After ministering to churches in California, Nebraska, Vermont, and Virginia he is now our presbytery's regional home missionary, in charge of starting new churches. Although he began some of his duties while still the pastor of our church, he did not do the job full time until Oct. 1. On Nov.30 he was to be installed in his new office offi...

Thanksgiving - that would seem like an easy enough thing to do at least once a year if not every day. Here in the United States we are loaded with material blessings even in these hard economic times. I'm sure there are many Americans who are truly poor but that doesn't describe the majority of us. Still when we get close to Thanksgiving there are a number of us who are dealing with things like the loss of a job, the death of a loved one, a devastating medical diagnosis, or a serious falling out with either a relative or a once close friend. None of these things can be fixed over night and somethings can never be fixed. What if you don't have any overwhelmingly negative issues in your life. When someone asks you what are you thankful for a long list of things and people pours from your lips. You suddenly remember the friend who is dealing with the kind of news that could make you question everything you thought you believed. You stop speaking, acutely aware of your sense ...

Except for 2 years my husband has been a pastor since arriving in California in July of 1976. Now after serving in 4 churches he is  a regional home missionary for our presbytery. Since October 1 Steve has been adjusting to a new work style. His first order of business was to set up his new office. In spite of getting rid of many of his books, he still had so many books that it took 3 trips to Ikea to get the right amount of shelves. He took me to his office the other day. Much to my surprise in spite of its smallness and multitude of books, his office is quite nice. He even has made room for a stuffed chair for reading when the computer isn't necessary. He still needs to get internet connection and a new cell phone and then the easier part will be done. It has not taken long for us to realize that he will have very little time for thumb twiddling. The list of possible sites for future churches is growing longer. The question is where should he make the priority. What should be m...

I remember hearing a story about a man who was about  to give a speech. The one who was introducing him happened to look at the top of  the speaker's notes and saw the the signature of the speaker's wife underneath the capital letters that spell kiss. The man included what he had seen in his introduction certain that was a sign of the sweet relationship this husband and wife had. The speaker then sheepishly confessed that the real meaning of the note was "Keep it short stupid." I'd like to change the meaning of the kiss acronym to "Keep it simple, self." I have often thought about this concept when I am writing something. Many times in an attempt to express too much, my multitude of phrases become entangled in a less than coherent fashion. I need to unpack the sentence and simplify. I am always briefly surprised at the ease of the solution. The clarity of my writing vastly improves when I keep it simple. A couple times I have belonged to a nationwid...

Many prayed for our grandson Henry when he had brain surgery on April 19. Henry was diagnosed with hydrocephalis. His surgeon instead of placing a shunt in Henry's head opened a passage way for the spinal fluid to drain. Since there is a possibility that the passage way might close, Henry will need to be checked periodically. His last MRI was in August and his parents received a good report. Obviously we would like him to have a future of only good reports. Since everything has gone well since his brain surgery at 7 months of age many people think he is through with medical problems. For quite a while Henry has been going to physical therapy. The hydrocepalis and the hospital experience have caused significant delays in his physical development. He just turned 1 year old. He does sit up but you can't be sure for how long. Recently his parents rejoiced that he can now hold his own bottle. He can easily roll almost anywhere he wants to go. When you hold Henry up he has not been...

Last Friday I celebrated my 40th birthday as Mrs. Stephen Doe on the eve of a new phase of life as he leaves the pastorate behind and he becomes our presbytery's regional home missionary. Our focus will no longer be  the group of believers at this one church but instead all believers who are at every stage of examining the possibility of starting another church in the Orthodox Presbyterian Church. He will not be preaching on a regular basis. Instead of having oversight from a session, the oversight will come from the home missions committee. He will be on the road a lot and there will be many times we will have to decide whether I need to be with my grandchildren or whether the best place for me will be by his side. I expect I'll do some editing of newsletters, perhaps some informal counseling of women, as well as reading through a lot of books as we are on the road. Reading out loud marked our months of dating, our early married life, and the years of childraising. I expect we...

Our church's search committee is deep into their work of finding the man they want to be their next pastor. As much as they appreciate my husband's ministry, I'm sure they know they don't need a clone of him. Discovering what they do need for the next phase in the life of the church must be a difficult task.  I would if they ask urge them not to forget the man's wife. Unlike a plumber or men in a multitude of other professions, a minister's job is very much affected by his wife. If given a chance I might ask a candidate's wife questions like these. 1) How did you respond when you first found out that your husband was going to be a pastor? What were your expectations of that lifestyle? 2) How did you adjust to the thought of being a P.W.? 3) Do you and your husband pray regularly together? 4) Does your husband make spending time with you a priority? 5) Do you pray faithfully for your husband? 6) How do you help your children deal with the demands tha...

Our congregation reluctantly voted yes.  Steve will no longer be the pastor of this church after the last Sunday in September. Instead he will be exploring possibilities for new churches in our presbytery as the regional home missionary. What will be my part,if any in all of this? What insights of mine as a veteran pastor's wife should I share with the wives of church planters? Are there things I can share with individuals in new congregations that might make them look a little more kindly and realistically on their new pastor and his family? What has God taught me over the years?                                                                                                                     ...

It wasn't until recently that I really understood the concept of judgement of charity. There are so many times we quickly jump to the worst possible conclusion. Instead we should assume the best until we know otherwise.  You tell your son to clear his materials for his school project off the kitchen table before he goes to bed and the next morning it is still spread from one end of the table to the other. You are ready to tear in to him for disobedience just as you notice all the telltale signs that he had a nasty touch of a stomach bug. Your best friend at church has hardly spoken to you since you took different sides of an issue ardently discussed at the congregational meeting. You decide she's still upset about what happened. You're ready to talk  to her about her bad attitude when you find out she's always rushing off to check on her ailing mother. Her added responsibilities were what made her seem distant. You see another friend out with a man, not her husband. The...

Remember the small 4 lb. puppy our church gave Steve in the summer of 2010? Marlee was supposed to be 10-12lbs full grown. At 2 years of age when she goes for walks, she pulls with greater strength than you would expect from her 16 lb frame. On every walk she seems to think the only reason anyone has walked out of their house is to greet her.  We haven't felt comfortable letting her roam the house and so she has spent many hours confined to one room behind a black metal enclosure.Recently we greatly expanded Marlee's inside the house world. Hopeful that she had matured past biting holes in the walls or destroying lamps, we put away the metal enclosure that had so often defined the borders of her world. The occasion for this added freedom was Steve's surgery and the 3 days when he centered his life around the room that held his dog. Steve is allergic to cats and he has only owned 2 dogs and those in the last 20 years. He has managed to become a devoted dog owner without go...

I am not a car person. Outside of wanting to know the color and the gas mileage, I usually leave decisions about cars up to my husband.. You might wonder why I would be saddened when our Subaru had to be replaced. Steve's dad died in 2001, some months after his diagnosis of cancer. He had enough time to buy a car for his wife. Dad went down to the local Subaru dealership and picked out a 2001 black Subaru Impreza. His goal was to find a low maintenance car that was simple to drive. Steve's mom had never been eager to drive and so after his death the car remained idle in between visits from family who would usually fly in to nearby Dulles Airport.  After a long time spent in other parts of the country, Steve moved his family back to his home state. We were only 1 hour away from her when the traffic flow was good. Steve was the first number that was called when his mother's failing health caused a problem. Knowing that our aging car had few miles left and our budget would s...

Early on April 19th, 7 month old Henry went into surgery to have a passage for spinal fluid opened. There was no choice for his parents but to submit to such a seemingly frightening procedure. Henry came through it well. Henry is our fourth grandchild. He was named after Steve's father. Two days later at 4:30am the phone rang. Our fifth grandchild was soon to be born. This little girl was to be named Elizabeth with the nickname of Libby. The second Libby Doe was born about 9:00a.m. The first Libby Doe was Steve's mother. The afternoon of her birth we traveled to the hospital to see this little girl. What a gift. This mother of 2 active boys may have been blessed with a baby who fills her days with eating and sleeping. Libby Doe. We marveled that we were now going to be able to call a second person by that name. I was able with Aunt Jessica, cousin Grace, and cousin Henry to visit Libby and her family on Tuesday. Although her two brothers, Matthew and Jacob greeted us as if ...

The doctor had said Henry's surgery would last at least 2 hours, instead it was over after about an hour and a half. Steve and I had just pulled out of the driveway with Henry's big sister when we got the call that the surgery was finished. When we arrived at the hospital, Henry was being fed some food by his mom. He was eager for every spoonful. He looked like normal Henry except for the bandage on his head and a slightly subdued eagerness for every bite of pureed goodness. Henry soon was laughing at all the attention his sister Grace was giving him. The staff took great delight in him since so many of their patients do not seem as healthy and alert as Henry does. It's hard to know how many heartbreaking stories that could be told about some of the patients they have had, many with heart conditions. We are very thankful that Henry'surgery went well and hopefully he will not need a shunt. In 2 weeks Henry goes back for another MRI to see how well the passageway they...

Thank God His character does not change. My God's greatness, strength, and might as well as his love and mercy are dependent on nothing. How many times have we acted like He is love and mercy only when things are going well with us? It seems right for us to be perplexed as to why God allows awful things to happen to us.  If we are really living in light of an understanding of God's character, those moments will only be moments as we remember to rest on the truth of what our heavenly father is really like. Yes Henry does not fit the profile of a baby with hydrocephalus but the results of the MRI were indisputable. In order to keep him symptom free, he will have surgery on Thursday at 7:00am. God is still so great, so strong and so mighty but I can not dictate how he will reveal any aspects of His character. We are praying that Henry's condition will not require a shunt. If the doctor is certain he can open the passage way without nicking a major artery using a shunt will b...

Over the years I've developed at least a nodding acquaintance with great theological truths. More often than not those are not the concepts that I turn to when life overwhelms me. One day my husband and I were in the car with my granddaughter. Our lives had recently been dominated by someone who challenged everything we knew about God honoring relationships. Gracie wanted to listen to her cd and soon we were singing along to a Veggietales song.  God is bigger than the boogie man. He's bigger than Godzilla and the monsters on tv. Oh, God is bigger than the boogie man, And he's watching out for you and me. After singing through the chorus twice, it hit me with amazing clarity that no matter what this person's intentions were, we had given this person greater prominence and power than they could have in our lives. God is bigger than Godzilla, the monsters on tv or any personal boogie man. Some time has passed. Our granddaughter is now 5. Her little brother, Henry i...

I've been a grandmother for a little over 5 years and in April we will be welcoming our fifth grandchild. I wish I had paid a lot more attention to the details of being a mother of small children while I was going through it. I started journals for each of my 4 but I wrote very little. I guess I was too busy living it to write that much. It seems like all  I can remember are inconsequential things like "Very few of your toys made any noise." or embarrassing things like "When you were nursing, you used to always----"  Then I am reminded that because of God's grace there are lessons I remember. Often when a young woman gets married she is told by someone in her world, “ This wedding is all about you.” To be in control , to be able to make as many of her desires happen as possible,  wouldn’t every bride want this? Usually the new couple doesn’t get past the honeymoon before the bride has to drop the “it’s all about me” attitude. If the couple wants the marri...

Recently I was looking through some old papers and I found a paper I only barely remember writing. The piece focused on my maternal grandmother. My mother was the youngest of five children. Four of those five siblings died during or before their sixtieth year. When my grandmother died at the age of  ninety three, my mother was the only child left. Thirteen years later when we were visiting my mother, Steve and I made the short trip down what might be considered a major country road. When I was a child that was the route first to my grandmother's house and then to to the ocean. Many years ago a major highway that could better handle the heavy flow of traffic to the ocean was built parallel to the one we were traveling on. I wanted to again see the cemetery where my mother's family is buried. Our station wagon rounded the last curve and there it was. The white wooden church rested on top of a small hill. The grave markers lay spread out, on the other side of the little dirt r...

I saw a post on facebook where someone said Valentines Day is a fake holiday and he hates it. I wondered if his response was so strong because he has no one who fits the description of any heart filled card, no one to gift with just the right piece of  jewelry or box of chocolate delights. Perhaps I should have responded to my brother in Christ.  The wide spread celebration of Valentines Day  has more to do with card manufacturers and other retailers seeking to line their pockets than it has to do with St. V.'s noble acts. The holiday is often propelled by a desire for mutual sexual gratification, and an overwhelming love of "love". What disguises itself as love bears little resemblance to the real thing. One of the latest reality t.v. shows focuses on a couple where the woman has an over the top idea of a dream wedding. The themes of the weddings are things like The Wizard of Oz, The Phantom of the Opera, pirates, the Monopoly Game, and belly dancing.  The wedding...

I remember shaking my head when someone shared about how they compared themselves to others. It may have been something like, "Her crafts are beautiful. I would never have the skill or patience to do anything like that." or " Their children are so well behaved. Our children are nothing like that." Although I know many people who do this regularly, I can say this is something I only do rarely, if ever. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses and so why should I waste time woefully comparing myself to others. Recently I was watching an episode of the Hoarders. Just walking across one of  these rooms could qualify as an obstacle course of great danger. The refrigerator hides "food" of amazing colors and textures, difficult if not impossible to identify. My first thought as I view one of these shows is they are so much worse than I ever could be. How could they allow themselves to get in such a state. I know I would never be that bad. Ever since th...

When I was writing the last post I realized I sounded like I was an observer of other people's sinful behavior and I knew I was describing myself as well. That's when I decided to go back and add the painfully embarrassing comments about my "boring" sisters in Christ. Please if you know me don't waste time wondering if you are someone I might have thought  was boring. If I did think such a thing it shows a greater lack in me than in you.  Many times if I listen carefully and interact wisely I will discover a lesson or an insight that I could easily have missed. The lessons that God gives, with you as the giver or the receiver are not listed neatly on some schedule like you used to get when you registered for college. They often pop up in unexpected places involving unexpected people. Many years ago there was a seemingly very fragile woman who attended our church. Miss Mockett lived in the basement apartment of a home. She managed to walk wherever she needed to...

Recently I read a blog by a man named Jason Helopoulos. He said that many times after church we find ourselves talking to someone who was not on our list. Instead of devoting ourselves to the person in front of us we're looking elsewhere while we are bemoaning missed ministry opportunities on the other side of the room or at the other end of a ringing phone. We often fail to realize that the one in front of our eyes is our ministry opportunity. His blog jogged my memory. One year when we lived in Vermont I did a paper on understanding how God wants us to minister within the church. I called what God would have us do an ifoyn (in front of your nose) ministry. I remembered my friend Mom Walker. She had a son who was college age and he would often invite other students home with him. This ministry came to her. She did not have to agonize about what should she find to do. On Sunday morning as she would greet visitors, she would listen for information that would link this person to so...