Who me, a pastor's wife?
I remember visiting the mother of a college friend. She seemed quite sure that I was going to marry a minister. I remember at least inwardly if not outwardly rolling my eyes at the very thought. How could I be a pastor's wife? Except for a brief time in the first grade, I hadn't played the piano. All my experience told me that was central to my role as a pastor's wife. When I was able to look past the stereotype I saw a lot more.
Too often a pastor and his wife are thought to be on a different spiritual plane. If they reveal too much that unnerves people. If they don't reveal enough then they would not understand what "real people" go through and so people hesitate to share their struggles with them.
It would be wise for a couple to develop relationships with people outside of the church but when is there time to do that? If the pastor and his wife have close friends within the church it's often hard to think outside of the pastor - church member framework.
The pastor might joke about the other woman being the church. If it was another woman, the wife could say "Repent and I forgive you." Being so devoted and sometimes consumed by the church is another matter. How can a wife be jealous of all the time a man spends on God's work? You can't get more unspiritual than that. There are times when unbelievable busyness is unavoidable and is only for a brief time. Too often that busyness can become a way of life and an idol. How does she help her husband deal well with time management so he doesn't short change the church or his family?
A pastor and his family often don't have a pastor. How can his wife help him find someone that will give them the encouragement that they need? How can the session or other pastors help with this problem?
How does the wife deal with criticism of her husband? How does she help him evaluate it? There are times when criticism is valuable and necessary no matter how poorly it is given. How does she respond to the her husband's critics as she interacts with them in a church framework? She must worship side by side with these people. What is a God honoring attitude?
The husband alone is the pastor but there are some ways in which this is a joint ministry. In what ways does it seem appropriate to view it this way and in what way is this inappropriate?
"No different than being married to a man in any other profession" I couldn't disagree more strongly. I could list other things that I think are peculiar to ministers' families but this should give you each enough to think about now. In future posts I would like to look more closely at some of these things. If you have other ideas about what you'd like to see addressed please let me know.
Marriages no matter what someone has chosen for their work are hard. I believe pastors and their wives deal with some extra layers that are difficult. Happy marriages are always an evidence of the great mercies of our God.
Too often a pastor and his wife are thought to be on a different spiritual plane. If they reveal too much that unnerves people. If they don't reveal enough then they would not understand what "real people" go through and so people hesitate to share their struggles with them.
It would be wise for a couple to develop relationships with people outside of the church but when is there time to do that? If the pastor and his wife have close friends within the church it's often hard to think outside of the pastor - church member framework.
The pastor might joke about the other woman being the church. If it was another woman, the wife could say "Repent and I forgive you." Being so devoted and sometimes consumed by the church is another matter. How can a wife be jealous of all the time a man spends on God's work? You can't get more unspiritual than that. There are times when unbelievable busyness is unavoidable and is only for a brief time. Too often that busyness can become a way of life and an idol. How does she help her husband deal well with time management so he doesn't short change the church or his family?
A pastor and his family often don't have a pastor. How can his wife help him find someone that will give them the encouragement that they need? How can the session or other pastors help with this problem?
How does the wife deal with criticism of her husband? How does she help him evaluate it? There are times when criticism is valuable and necessary no matter how poorly it is given. How does she respond to the her husband's critics as she interacts with them in a church framework? She must worship side by side with these people. What is a God honoring attitude?
The husband alone is the pastor but there are some ways in which this is a joint ministry. In what ways does it seem appropriate to view it this way and in what way is this inappropriate?
"No different than being married to a man in any other profession" I couldn't disagree more strongly. I could list other things that I think are peculiar to ministers' families but this should give you each enough to think about now. In future posts I would like to look more closely at some of these things. If you have other ideas about what you'd like to see addressed please let me know.
Marriages no matter what someone has chosen for their work are hard. I believe pastors and their wives deal with some extra layers that are difficult. Happy marriages are always an evidence of the great mercies of our God.
I remember a show on PBS long before I became a PW. Anglican rector's wife didn't know why she had to go to church. "Lawyers' wives don't have to watch them in court and doctors' wives don't have to watch them in surgery." We're not married to just another professional.
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