Life - Season after season of Grace
I wanted now to be well into my posts about being a pastor's wife. For a variety of reasons that has not happened. When I came up with this idea I thought this didn't have much to do with being a pastor's wife. Now I'm not so sure.
For over the past 6 years my daughter and son-law have lived in our garage apartment. At first it was a little touchy as we slowly understood how much room we should give each other. After a while I knew at least most of the time how to respect this new relationship. The husband - wife dance was still being choreographed. Although Jessica and I certainly had a good relationship it was undergoing a metamorphosis. She was still my daughter but no longer my little girl. I was still her mother but with no need to direct many areas of her life. We were two adult women seeking to honor and transform the mother - daughter relationship while also nurturing a blossoming friendship. Many people would say that's almost impossible.
I have tried to understand why we have been able to live so close together with only minor problems. My husband whenever Jessica would ask for advice would respond with "what did Brian say?" When I have sensed that I am on the verge of being a hover mother, I have pulled back. When they have provided an opportunity for us to give an opinion about something, we have given it. If they don't, we don't give it or criticize. These past 6 years I have tried to remember what it was like when Steve and I were first married. What mistakes did we make? How did we learn from them? By God's grace how did we recover from them? Remembering these things has made it easier to keep quiet. I have learned to appreciate their strengths as a couple and as individuals. I have had the enormous privilege of watching them grow as a couple while they grow as believers in Christ. During stressful times I have had my "baby girl" wrap her arms around me and pray for me. She has fixed meals for me and cared for me after surgery when my husband couldn't. I have given her counsel perhaps only slightly less than she has counseled me.
Perhaps the most incredible pleasure has been watching them become parents. Together we went through the stressful and exhilarating months of her pregnancy. We were thrilled to be able to share in the wonder of our newborn granddaughter. As her chief babysitter as well as one of the witnesses to Grace greeting each new day, I have had the honor of being a part of every step of her young life. We had to remind ourselves repeatedly that we are her grandparents and not her parents. We have been pleased as we have watched my daughter and son-in -law grow in this key role as parents and guides to an amazing little girl.
Very soon this young family will be moving out hopefully to a house of their own. It will be in another state and so my interaction with them will decrease greatly. We will call each other perhaps daily with the aid of a video camera. We will visit them regularly. When I think about this volcanic shift in our lives, I want to burst into tears. Before the tears roll, I remember the faithfulness of God.
As a pastor's wife I have moved 5 times. Each time there have been many people I will miss, some terribly. Each time there have been factors that I am uncertain about as I look into the future. Who will be my new friends? What kind of schedule will we have? How will the children adjust? When I remember what it was like to leave the familiar behind and move towards the unfamiliar, I rejoice in God's faithfulness. He never asks us to give up things without giving to us in abundance. Every move is an adventure as we seek to see God's grace manifested in a new setting. The one who moves as well as the one who stays behind may experience a great ache of emptiness as the move is completed but if each accepts the richness of God's provision for every stage of life that emptiness will not remain.
My daughter read part of this post. She told me I was more grown up. My response was that I hoped so since I am 34 years older. Then I added, "It's not so much more maturity as it is more practice."
For over the past 6 years my daughter and son-law have lived in our garage apartment. At first it was a little touchy as we slowly understood how much room we should give each other. After a while I knew at least most of the time how to respect this new relationship. The husband - wife dance was still being choreographed. Although Jessica and I certainly had a good relationship it was undergoing a metamorphosis. She was still my daughter but no longer my little girl. I was still her mother but with no need to direct many areas of her life. We were two adult women seeking to honor and transform the mother - daughter relationship while also nurturing a blossoming friendship. Many people would say that's almost impossible.
I have tried to understand why we have been able to live so close together with only minor problems. My husband whenever Jessica would ask for advice would respond with "what did Brian say?" When I have sensed that I am on the verge of being a hover mother, I have pulled back. When they have provided an opportunity for us to give an opinion about something, we have given it. If they don't, we don't give it or criticize. These past 6 years I have tried to remember what it was like when Steve and I were first married. What mistakes did we make? How did we learn from them? By God's grace how did we recover from them? Remembering these things has made it easier to keep quiet. I have learned to appreciate their strengths as a couple and as individuals. I have had the enormous privilege of watching them grow as a couple while they grow as believers in Christ. During stressful times I have had my "baby girl" wrap her arms around me and pray for me. She has fixed meals for me and cared for me after surgery when my husband couldn't. I have given her counsel perhaps only slightly less than she has counseled me.
Perhaps the most incredible pleasure has been watching them become parents. Together we went through the stressful and exhilarating months of her pregnancy. We were thrilled to be able to share in the wonder of our newborn granddaughter. As her chief babysitter as well as one of the witnesses to Grace greeting each new day, I have had the honor of being a part of every step of her young life. We had to remind ourselves repeatedly that we are her grandparents and not her parents. We have been pleased as we have watched my daughter and son-in -law grow in this key role as parents and guides to an amazing little girl.
Very soon this young family will be moving out hopefully to a house of their own. It will be in another state and so my interaction with them will decrease greatly. We will call each other perhaps daily with the aid of a video camera. We will visit them regularly. When I think about this volcanic shift in our lives, I want to burst into tears. Before the tears roll, I remember the faithfulness of God.
As a pastor's wife I have moved 5 times. Each time there have been many people I will miss, some terribly. Each time there have been factors that I am uncertain about as I look into the future. Who will be my new friends? What kind of schedule will we have? How will the children adjust? When I remember what it was like to leave the familiar behind and move towards the unfamiliar, I rejoice in God's faithfulness. He never asks us to give up things without giving to us in abundance. Every move is an adventure as we seek to see God's grace manifested in a new setting. The one who moves as well as the one who stays behind may experience a great ache of emptiness as the move is completed but if each accepts the richness of God's provision for every stage of life that emptiness will not remain.
My daughter read part of this post. She told me I was more grown up. My response was that I hoped so since I am 34 years older. Then I added, "It's not so much more maturity as it is more practice."
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