Friendship and the Pastor's Wife

A long time before I met Steve, I had heard the old adage that a pastor's wife could not have friends within her church. Sometimes the emphasis is on the perceived jealousy some women will express towards those women you seem to prefer. Perhaps I am saved from that problem because of the Presbyterian form of government. I can not be viewed as first lady of our church since we have four men on the session with equal voting power. Getting closer to me would not get any woman closer to the seat of power.

I have heard other Presbyterian pastors' wives express frustration about making friends within the church and so there isn't just one answer to this question. A lot depends on what a woman is looking for in a friend. I have been blessed a few times with women with whom I can speak freely but at the same time they will not let me get away with an unbiblical response to life. They keep my secrets but at the same time hold me accountable. Whether I was a pastor's wife or not this kind of friend is a rare jewel. This one friend respects my years of experience as a pastor's wife, and all the insights I have gained but at the same time feels free to express her views. She also expects me to be a struggling redeemed sinner and not a paragon of virtue or a walking reference for all things church.

Each woman has to understand herself and what type of friends the women of her church can be for her. If you're going to talk to anyone about your husband, proceed with great care. Make sure you give yourself time to really know this friend. Ask yourself a few questions. Does this friend respect your husband as well as show respect for her own husband? Has she heard you consistently demonstrate respect for your spouse? Does she have the knowledge of Biblical principles and the willingness to share with you when you may have fallen short? Can you be sure of her prayers for whatever situation you want to share with her?

If you are blessed with friends in other places apart from your current church, rejoice and nurture those relationships. Do not stay away from the women at your own church. You may miss rich blessings.

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