A Marriage Milestone
Recently we had our 40th anniversary. Wow! We don't feel old enough to be married that long. The calender does not lie. We wonder if with the months and years we have accumulated more wisdom and maturity than we have wrinkles and gray hair. Although we may feel like we have not grown very much, an understanding of the character of God shows us that because of his love for us and his faithfulness we have made significant strides as individual believers and as a couple. No matter how often people may ooh and ah over the seemingly magical word 40 there is no room for back patting. God is the source of all growth and wisdom.
When couples no matter how many times they get off course remember that it's Jesus who provides their center of gravity, it doesn't make life easier but it does make life stable. Each couple knows where they are grounded and they aren't free floating. There have been many excellent books written on marriage in the past few years. All of us who have been married quite a while might easily read one of these and feel our regrets multiply. If only we had known this or that, then things would have been better. Every couple wishes for a greeting card, picture perfect life. As much as we might benefit from the great insights into the principles of God's word laid out by godly authors, we need to remember that God was working through his Word, the Holy Spirit, and the church long before these authors were born.
Since God is faithful there are good things that all of us are doing but of course not doing as faithfully as we could be. There are certain questions I could ask myself that because of God's grace I can answer in the affirmative.
1) Are we encouraging each other in righteousness?
2) In spite of our sin do we on a regular basis care more about the needs and desires of our spouse than we do about our own needs and desires?
3) Do we regularly demonstrate grace towards our spouse as God continues to show grace towards us?
4) Do I show a pattern of Biblical submission towards my husband ?
5) Do my husband Steve and I appreciate the gifts that each of us bring to our marriage?
None of us have a greeting card, picture perfect life. I know now I would rather have a perfect savior who doesn't allow my sin to form a barrier keeping me away from his shower of blessings I don't deserve. Our perfect father has in his wisdom blessed me through 3 very imperfect men. Olin Elzey, my dad and Harry Doe, my husband's dad were very different in many ways but they were alike in others. Both men did not express personal things very readily, but they each made it very clear that they loved their families. Both men respected their wives and expected their children to do the same. Harry and Olin worked hard to provide for their families and they made it a priority to spend time with them.
Steve and I came to our wedding with a similar understanding of what marriage was about. Having certain positive patterns played out before us over the years made it easier to be realistic about what were our bottom line expectations. I have been greatly blessed to be the wife of Stephen Doe. The pattern set by his father formed a great starting point for my new husband. Even more importantly as he has grown in his understanding of the work of Christ, he has also grown in his understanding of his own sin, and in his understanding of how to offer his wife grace. Yes 40 years is a long time but God's work continues as He reminds us of things we have already learned, teaches us new things, and shows us how to apply the gospel in all areas of life. The next time you are tempted to be in awe of anyone who has been married a long time instead remember to be in awe of the savior who makes it all possible.
When couples no matter how many times they get off course remember that it's Jesus who provides their center of gravity, it doesn't make life easier but it does make life stable. Each couple knows where they are grounded and they aren't free floating. There have been many excellent books written on marriage in the past few years. All of us who have been married quite a while might easily read one of these and feel our regrets multiply. If only we had known this or that, then things would have been better. Every couple wishes for a greeting card, picture perfect life. As much as we might benefit from the great insights into the principles of God's word laid out by godly authors, we need to remember that God was working through his Word, the Holy Spirit, and the church long before these authors were born.
Since God is faithful there are good things that all of us are doing but of course not doing as faithfully as we could be. There are certain questions I could ask myself that because of God's grace I can answer in the affirmative.
1) Are we encouraging each other in righteousness?
2) In spite of our sin do we on a regular basis care more about the needs and desires of our spouse than we do about our own needs and desires?
3) Do we regularly demonstrate grace towards our spouse as God continues to show grace towards us?
4) Do I show a pattern of Biblical submission towards my husband ?
5) Do my husband Steve and I appreciate the gifts that each of us bring to our marriage?
None of us have a greeting card, picture perfect life. I know now I would rather have a perfect savior who doesn't allow my sin to form a barrier keeping me away from his shower of blessings I don't deserve. Our perfect father has in his wisdom blessed me through 3 very imperfect men. Olin Elzey, my dad and Harry Doe, my husband's dad were very different in many ways but they were alike in others. Both men did not express personal things very readily, but they each made it very clear that they loved their families. Both men respected their wives and expected their children to do the same. Harry and Olin worked hard to provide for their families and they made it a priority to spend time with them.
Steve and I came to our wedding with a similar understanding of what marriage was about. Having certain positive patterns played out before us over the years made it easier to be realistic about what were our bottom line expectations. I have been greatly blessed to be the wife of Stephen Doe. The pattern set by his father formed a great starting point for my new husband. Even more importantly as he has grown in his understanding of the work of Christ, he has also grown in his understanding of his own sin, and in his understanding of how to offer his wife grace. Yes 40 years is a long time but God's work continues as He reminds us of things we have already learned, teaches us new things, and shows us how to apply the gospel in all areas of life. The next time you are tempted to be in awe of anyone who has been married a long time instead remember to be in awe of the savior who makes it all possible.
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