The Fullness of a Life
When I was a lot younger but still an adult I entertained a crazy idea about aging that even though it seemed true I knew it wasn't. It seemed to me that elderly people just sprung up that way. Suddenly they appeared just skin and bones with not a whole lot of past and not very much future. Silly idea isn't it?
When my grandmother was skin and bones, I only understood a little of her past. Most of the pictures that were younger showed her at a healthier weight and less wrinkles but she still had a bun and the same kind of nondescript dress and no smile. I loved Carrie Parsons but I only knew her as the elderly woman who sewed a lot, and made wonderful potato rolls with a sugar glaze. Her severe hearing problem kept her from hearing the news on television and also kept her from gleaning more from the fast and sometimes thoughtless conversations around her.
Yes, the last couple of years my mother was skin and bones like my grandmother had been and she also had a hearing loss that became acute. The information I had on my mother was more extensive than what I knew about my grandmother. For a long time I have had on my wall a snapshot of my mother when she was no older than 2. The picture has to be over 90 years old. She's in a berry patch with her older brother. The next picture is of Mom dressed up on the boardwalk with her high school sweetheart eating caramel corn. The pictures of her on the beach showed her goofing off with girlfriends. Guys are clearly not part of the fun. I also remembered the wedding pictures.It was a simple ceremony in her home, a cake made by her new mother-in-law and only closest family and friends present.
These pictures had been part of my understanding of my mother for years but I had only glanced at her college year books. It was during the week of Mom's funeral that I looked more closely. She had played the violin in the college orchestra. She had also been the treasurer for at least 2 organizations. My mother, the introvert had been one of the the people who solicited donations for the college yearbook. Throughout her yearbooks were messages from many classmates.
. After college Mom took on the responsibility of teaching at a one room school. Mother was still seeing her high school sweetheart. At some point the couple set the date for their wedding, February 14, 1942. I remember years ago when Mom went to the corner cupboard and pulled out a few pieces of Wedgewood china. These few pieces were gifts to her when she married. The china had a raised white on white design on the outer rim with colorful flowers in the center of each piece. The china seemed like an odd combination of ornate and simple at the same time.
I regret my failure to ask the right questions. I could have said, "Were you excited when you picked this out? Was it easy making the choice or did it take you a while? Why are there so few pieces? Was it expensive?"With no questions asked it is easy to speculate, Perhaps the china was considered expensive. Perhaps someone gave her a complete set that was not as special and she couldn't justify the added expense of completing her wedding china.
With my husband's approval I did a very impractical thing. I who need no more china, purchased through e-bay 4 place settings of the pattern my very young mother to be had picked out for herself before her wedding in 1942. Somehow holding these plates puts flesh on my last memory of my mom. She was an old frail woman when she died. That is true but she was also a child in a berry patch, girl with her beau on the boardwalk, a young woman playing with friends, violinist in the school's orchestra, treasurer for clubs and later for family, teacher of young children and radiant bride. This is only a small part of who she was. Only part of this is captured in pictures and yearbooks. In my mother's life and in the lives of each of us, God uses all the layers and relationships through the years to build who we are. We can not and should not allow ourselves or others to be dismissed by a short inadequate phrase. God's work is far richer than that.
When my grandmother was skin and bones, I only understood a little of her past. Most of the pictures that were younger showed her at a healthier weight and less wrinkles but she still had a bun and the same kind of nondescript dress and no smile. I loved Carrie Parsons but I only knew her as the elderly woman who sewed a lot, and made wonderful potato rolls with a sugar glaze. Her severe hearing problem kept her from hearing the news on television and also kept her from gleaning more from the fast and sometimes thoughtless conversations around her.
Yes, the last couple of years my mother was skin and bones like my grandmother had been and she also had a hearing loss that became acute. The information I had on my mother was more extensive than what I knew about my grandmother. For a long time I have had on my wall a snapshot of my mother when she was no older than 2. The picture has to be over 90 years old. She's in a berry patch with her older brother. The next picture is of Mom dressed up on the boardwalk with her high school sweetheart eating caramel corn. The pictures of her on the beach showed her goofing off with girlfriends. Guys are clearly not part of the fun. I also remembered the wedding pictures.It was a simple ceremony in her home, a cake made by her new mother-in-law and only closest family and friends present.
These pictures had been part of my understanding of my mother for years but I had only glanced at her college year books. It was during the week of Mom's funeral that I looked more closely. She had played the violin in the college orchestra. She had also been the treasurer for at least 2 organizations. My mother, the introvert had been one of the the people who solicited donations for the college yearbook. Throughout her yearbooks were messages from many classmates.
. After college Mom took on the responsibility of teaching at a one room school. Mother was still seeing her high school sweetheart. At some point the couple set the date for their wedding, February 14, 1942. I remember years ago when Mom went to the corner cupboard and pulled out a few pieces of Wedgewood china. These few pieces were gifts to her when she married. The china had a raised white on white design on the outer rim with colorful flowers in the center of each piece. The china seemed like an odd combination of ornate and simple at the same time.
I regret my failure to ask the right questions. I could have said, "Were you excited when you picked this out? Was it easy making the choice or did it take you a while? Why are there so few pieces? Was it expensive?"With no questions asked it is easy to speculate, Perhaps the china was considered expensive. Perhaps someone gave her a complete set that was not as special and she couldn't justify the added expense of completing her wedding china.
With my husband's approval I did a very impractical thing. I who need no more china, purchased through e-bay 4 place settings of the pattern my very young mother to be had picked out for herself before her wedding in 1942. Somehow holding these plates puts flesh on my last memory of my mom. She was an old frail woman when she died. That is true but she was also a child in a berry patch, girl with her beau on the boardwalk, a young woman playing with friends, violinist in the school's orchestra, treasurer for clubs and later for family, teacher of young children and radiant bride. This is only a small part of who she was. Only part of this is captured in pictures and yearbooks. In my mother's life and in the lives of each of us, God uses all the layers and relationships through the years to build who we are. We can not and should not allow ourselves or others to be dismissed by a short inadequate phrase. God's work is far richer than that.
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