Criticism - All in the Family
Everyone comes into a church with preconceived ideas about what a pastor and his family should be like. Usually there is the expectation that the pastor and his wife are somehow on a different spiritual plane then other people. The very idea that you should encourage your pastor in his study of the word or in his prayer life seems almost insulting, perhaps his wife but certainly not the pastor. In reality he may be so caught up in doing the work of the church, being the paid Christian saying all the right things, he may forget to check where his heart really is. His wife has been the recipient of wonderful teaching for many years and knows all the right things to say but are her words always an indication of where her heart is? Perhaps none of us should assume that everyone is thriving spiritually. We might be wise to share where we are in our walk while we kindly give them the opportunity to do the same.
Sometimes people adopt false standards they want to hold all pastors' families to. They can vary from church to church. While people are ignoring the ways the family might really need to be encouraged, they perhaps are turning a critical eye on a pastor's family because they home school, they don't home school, they have a large family, they don't have children, the children are out of control, the children are too controlled. The list can go on and on. The pastor's wife may be criticized because she is too involved in church ministries, she is not involved enough, she has people over all the time, she doesn't practice hospitality enough, she works outside the home. The possibilities are endless.
Criticism of your children can be doubly painful. When that occurs you know it's not just a negative evaluation of your offspring, but a negative assessment of your parenting skills has also been rendered. In our case by God's grace we were not dealing with children involved in drugs or sexually promiscuous behavior. A woman did express frustration that the door to the manse in which we lived was too often left open by our children allowing the heat paid for by the church to escape too readily. One of our daughters was told her shoes were too masculine and her shirt allowed the outline of her bra to be evident. One of the women in a church told me if my teenage son had been interested in her daughter she would have not allowed them to see each other since he was not spiritually mature.
Sometimes it seems we put ourselves in a difficult situation. We look at the Biblical qualifications to be an elder or pastor and we reasonably want to see evidence of those things in these men. Our problem is we don't stop there. Too often we place these men on pedestals as we hold them to a standard that exceeds what the Bible mandates. Often it's a standard mandated by only a small segment of the congregation. It's only a matter of time before the men and also their wives fail in minor and sometimes major ways. The question is how do we remember that all ordained men are redeemed sinners called to serve the church in a special way. They need even more of the prayers and encouragement that every church member needs. Too often they are viewed as having greater spirituality, greater patience, and greater stamina than others. By association their family members are often expected to exhibit similar qualities.
Perhaps we are all prone to minimize the importance of the grace of God. Often Christians exhibit a belief in saving grace and then when they profess their faith, they think their efforts are what is needed to attempt to pay God for our salvation. We forget that just as justification is God's work so is sanctification. God honors us by allowing us to glorify Him by being conduits of his grace to our brothers and sisters. Every elder, pastor, and deacon and their wives are all receivers as well as givers of that grace.
Sometimes people adopt false standards they want to hold all pastors' families to. They can vary from church to church. While people are ignoring the ways the family might really need to be encouraged, they perhaps are turning a critical eye on a pastor's family because they home school, they don't home school, they have a large family, they don't have children, the children are out of control, the children are too controlled. The list can go on and on. The pastor's wife may be criticized because she is too involved in church ministries, she is not involved enough, she has people over all the time, she doesn't practice hospitality enough, she works outside the home. The possibilities are endless.
Criticism of your children can be doubly painful. When that occurs you know it's not just a negative evaluation of your offspring, but a negative assessment of your parenting skills has also been rendered. In our case by God's grace we were not dealing with children involved in drugs or sexually promiscuous behavior. A woman did express frustration that the door to the manse in which we lived was too often left open by our children allowing the heat paid for by the church to escape too readily. One of our daughters was told her shoes were too masculine and her shirt allowed the outline of her bra to be evident. One of the women in a church told me if my teenage son had been interested in her daughter she would have not allowed them to see each other since he was not spiritually mature.
Sometimes it seems we put ourselves in a difficult situation. We look at the Biblical qualifications to be an elder or pastor and we reasonably want to see evidence of those things in these men. Our problem is we don't stop there. Too often we place these men on pedestals as we hold them to a standard that exceeds what the Bible mandates. Often it's a standard mandated by only a small segment of the congregation. It's only a matter of time before the men and also their wives fail in minor and sometimes major ways. The question is how do we remember that all ordained men are redeemed sinners called to serve the church in a special way. They need even more of the prayers and encouragement that every church member needs. Too often they are viewed as having greater spirituality, greater patience, and greater stamina than others. By association their family members are often expected to exhibit similar qualities.
Perhaps we are all prone to minimize the importance of the grace of God. Often Christians exhibit a belief in saving grace and then when they profess their faith, they think their efforts are what is needed to attempt to pay God for our salvation. We forget that just as justification is God's work so is sanctification. God honors us by allowing us to glorify Him by being conduits of his grace to our brothers and sisters. Every elder, pastor, and deacon and their wives are all receivers as well as givers of that grace.
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