Accepting the Many Faces of Hospitality
I started my last post by mentioning a book called Open Heart Open Home. I should have also included a reference to another book that made a big impression on me early in our marriage. This book was called A Season of Friendship by Ruth Senter. I found my copy of it hidden among an eclectic gathering of books in our spare bedroom. For a while I encouraged every friend I had to read this book.
What made the book so special? It was the history of Ruth Senter's friendships. Although the whole book was important to me, it was the last story about her friendship with a sister in Christ named Audra that I remember the best. Audra was that unusual combination of amazing accomplishments outside of the home, incredible domestic skills and a great sensitivity and graciousness towards others. Immediately Ruth felt that her new friend was totally out of her league. Although Ruth enjoyed Audra, she wouldn't stop comparing Audra's successes with all of her own lesser accomplishments.
Her new friend was a Martha Stewart type long before anyone had heard of Martha Stewart. Ruth would serve her guests pie from the local pie shop, while Audra meticulously made every pie she served. Audra with gracious ease invited Ruth and her husband to her home where every corner seemed to shine with elegance and order. Ruth felt guilty as she delayed inviting Audra and her husband over to her home. There was always just one more project they needed to finish to make her home a little bit nicer and she insisted that then she would invite them over.
Audra was acutely aware of the various ways Ruth was comparing the two friends and in the process she was preventing Audra from deepening their friendship. One Christmas Ruth and Mark were invited to a buffet at Audra's house. The house was tastefully decorated with many of Audra's hand made touches and the menu was a perfect array of seasonal delights. Ruth almost compulsively made comments that revealed how much she compared the two of them.
A few days later Audra took the first chance she could to deliver a few very needed words to Ruth. " May I tell you how your compliments come across to me? I get the feeling they are comparisons, that you're measuring us against each other. Sometimes I feel like you see me performing - showing off my home, my crafts, the food I create, the parties I give. It's almost like, around you, I'm not free to serve homemade cinnamon swirls or to create my own centerpiece or use my sterling. Those things are me, Ruth. I do them not to prove I'm better than you, but because they are gifts from God that I find great pleasure in using to serve you and others."
After publishing my last post I realized something. I believe every word I wrote but perhaps I needed to write more. Yes those of us offering Biblical hospitality (or it could be worldly entertaining ) need to understand our motivation and better demonstrate our love for our guests. Those of us on the receiving end also need to rejoice in the love demonstrated by our hosts as they share the gifts God has given them. We also need to remember not to not judge our hosts when the real problem may be our own lack of love and idolatry. Since we are one in Christ we should be on the giving and the receiving end of hospitality no matter what form it takes. God showers us daily with His grace and honors us by allowing us to be conduits of His grace. With the right heart attitude we honor Him whether it's store bought pizza on paper plates or a four course meal served on fine china. Rejoice as you serve with grace and as you receive with grace.
What made the book so special? It was the history of Ruth Senter's friendships. Although the whole book was important to me, it was the last story about her friendship with a sister in Christ named Audra that I remember the best. Audra was that unusual combination of amazing accomplishments outside of the home, incredible domestic skills and a great sensitivity and graciousness towards others. Immediately Ruth felt that her new friend was totally out of her league. Although Ruth enjoyed Audra, she wouldn't stop comparing Audra's successes with all of her own lesser accomplishments.
Her new friend was a Martha Stewart type long before anyone had heard of Martha Stewart. Ruth would serve her guests pie from the local pie shop, while Audra meticulously made every pie she served. Audra with gracious ease invited Ruth and her husband to her home where every corner seemed to shine with elegance and order. Ruth felt guilty as she delayed inviting Audra and her husband over to her home. There was always just one more project they needed to finish to make her home a little bit nicer and she insisted that then she would invite them over.
Audra was acutely aware of the various ways Ruth was comparing the two friends and in the process she was preventing Audra from deepening their friendship. One Christmas Ruth and Mark were invited to a buffet at Audra's house. The house was tastefully decorated with many of Audra's hand made touches and the menu was a perfect array of seasonal delights. Ruth almost compulsively made comments that revealed how much she compared the two of them.
A few days later Audra took the first chance she could to deliver a few very needed words to Ruth. " May I tell you how your compliments come across to me? I get the feeling they are comparisons, that you're measuring us against each other. Sometimes I feel like you see me performing - showing off my home, my crafts, the food I create, the parties I give. It's almost like, around you, I'm not free to serve homemade cinnamon swirls or to create my own centerpiece or use my sterling. Those things are me, Ruth. I do them not to prove I'm better than you, but because they are gifts from God that I find great pleasure in using to serve you and others."
After publishing my last post I realized something. I believe every word I wrote but perhaps I needed to write more. Yes those of us offering Biblical hospitality (or it could be worldly entertaining ) need to understand our motivation and better demonstrate our love for our guests. Those of us on the receiving end also need to rejoice in the love demonstrated by our hosts as they share the gifts God has given them. We also need to remember not to not judge our hosts when the real problem may be our own lack of love and idolatry. Since we are one in Christ we should be on the giving and the receiving end of hospitality no matter what form it takes. God showers us daily with His grace and honors us by allowing us to be conduits of His grace. With the right heart attitude we honor Him whether it's store bought pizza on paper plates or a four course meal served on fine china. Rejoice as you serve with grace and as you receive with grace.
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