The Faces of Hospitality
Years ago I read a book called Open Heart, Open Home by Karen Mains. She had a simple but profound theme. Hospitality and entertaining are not the same thing. Entertaining says "Here am I. Here is my house with its decorating touches and nice furniture all of which have been treated well by my wonderful cleaning skills. Here is my beautifully set table ready for my mouth watering dishes that were all carefully prepared. Relax and enjoy what I have done for you. Aren't I wonderful?"
Hospitality says " How can I serve? What are your needs? My home and any of my homemaking skills are only tools as I seek to show you the love of Christ."
Most of us will find ourselves somewhere between entertaining and hospitality. Because of our sin nature we are more often motivated by our own ego than the love of Christ. We are not content to know that our home exhibits enough order that our guests feel comfortable. We want our guests to marvel at our decorating ability,perhaps to compliment our taste in new living room furniture. We are not content to serve simple pleasant tasting food that nourishes our visitors well. We want them to ooh and ahh over one or more of the dishes and insist on having copies of the recipes.
In our decades of married life I have been all over the hospitality - entertaining continuum. One of my first times to offer hospitality after we married was when we invited my new in laws for dinner. I was trying a new recipe for spaghetti. Since the recipe called for 3 cloves of garlic, I purchased 3 whole garlics and began to mince them. since I had no gizmo to help in the process. I gave up after mincing half of the little bulbs. Later I discovered each of those little bulbs was a clove. I laughed nervously as I told my mother - in - law what I had done. When I suggested that you really couldn't notice the excess garlic, she graciously kept quiet.
After that mishap we shared many meals with guests. My habit was to agonize over every dish. I should have worn out the pages in my cookbooks as I flipped through them trying to find the perfect dishes.
When we were at a church in Oxnard, California, Steve was asked to speak at the church in Goleta. Our one lunch invitation came after the service. One of the elders and his wife invited us over to eat with them and their 3 children. We had egg salad sandwiches. The elder's wife had not agonized over the food. She just knew we needed lunch and she opened up her home apparently without a thought to her ego. Lesson learned - the need of the people is more important than all the details.
Later when we moved to Nebraska, there was a stately elderly woman who lived in a basement apartment. Miss Mockett had posture fit for a queen. When Steve went to visit she had him sit at her small dining room table in the better of her two chairs. It had a back. When she brought their coffee and oreo cookies, she sat in the the backless chair, her back flawlessly erect. Lesson learned - the decor and the refreshments are not as important as a kind and gracious spirit.
We moved from Nebraska to a small church in Vermont. At least a couple of times we had church picnics in our back yard and we surrendered our house to church people as they came in and out. It seemed like we would go for a while when we asked no one over and then we would have people over constantly. I often felt pressure to have people over more often than I felt comfortable. Even today I'm not always sure what is the right attitude. I know at some point I went from agonizing over every dish to being more free to ask guests to bring side dishes. At some point I started to ask company to bring things for a sandwich and chips meal. I often would try to have a church officer as a guest and I would warn him that he would be asked questions about his role in the church. Lesson learned - people are more important than the meal
Have you ever "known" a teller at your bank or a cashier at the grocery store? You often joke with each other or maybe make comments about the weather. Perhaps you caught a glimpse of their name tags and you even call them by name. Do you really know them? If we are going to be honest with each other we have to admit we don't do much better with a lot of people in our churches. We nod, smile and say all the right things but we don't take the time to really know each other. Having someone like that over for a meal or a dessert would be a big step in the right direction. Those people we walk by Sunday after Sunday without taking the time for a thoughtful conversation are our brothers and sisters in Christ.
There are many questions about hospitality. Can the way it looks in my life be different than the way it is in your life because of differences in personality and calling? Can I still exhibit hospitality if I don't or can't invite people into my home? Are church officers called to exhibit more hospitality than others? How does the church make room for the hostess extraordinaire as well as the person who feels awkward around others and can barely tolerate receiving hospitality let alone giving it? Whatever the answer to these questions one thing is certain. Scripture encourages us to exercise greater accountability,and greater love as we demonstrate the unity we have in Christ.
Hospitality says " How can I serve? What are your needs? My home and any of my homemaking skills are only tools as I seek to show you the love of Christ."
Most of us will find ourselves somewhere between entertaining and hospitality. Because of our sin nature we are more often motivated by our own ego than the love of Christ. We are not content to know that our home exhibits enough order that our guests feel comfortable. We want our guests to marvel at our decorating ability,perhaps to compliment our taste in new living room furniture. We are not content to serve simple pleasant tasting food that nourishes our visitors well. We want them to ooh and ahh over one or more of the dishes and insist on having copies of the recipes.
In our decades of married life I have been all over the hospitality - entertaining continuum. One of my first times to offer hospitality after we married was when we invited my new in laws for dinner. I was trying a new recipe for spaghetti. Since the recipe called for 3 cloves of garlic, I purchased 3 whole garlics and began to mince them. since I had no gizmo to help in the process. I gave up after mincing half of the little bulbs. Later I discovered each of those little bulbs was a clove. I laughed nervously as I told my mother - in - law what I had done. When I suggested that you really couldn't notice the excess garlic, she graciously kept quiet.
After that mishap we shared many meals with guests. My habit was to agonize over every dish. I should have worn out the pages in my cookbooks as I flipped through them trying to find the perfect dishes.
When we were at a church in Oxnard, California, Steve was asked to speak at the church in Goleta. Our one lunch invitation came after the service. One of the elders and his wife invited us over to eat with them and their 3 children. We had egg salad sandwiches. The elder's wife had not agonized over the food. She just knew we needed lunch and she opened up her home apparently without a thought to her ego. Lesson learned - the need of the people is more important than all the details.
Later when we moved to Nebraska, there was a stately elderly woman who lived in a basement apartment. Miss Mockett had posture fit for a queen. When Steve went to visit she had him sit at her small dining room table in the better of her two chairs. It had a back. When she brought their coffee and oreo cookies, she sat in the the backless chair, her back flawlessly erect. Lesson learned - the decor and the refreshments are not as important as a kind and gracious spirit.
We moved from Nebraska to a small church in Vermont. At least a couple of times we had church picnics in our back yard and we surrendered our house to church people as they came in and out. It seemed like we would go for a while when we asked no one over and then we would have people over constantly. I often felt pressure to have people over more often than I felt comfortable. Even today I'm not always sure what is the right attitude. I know at some point I went from agonizing over every dish to being more free to ask guests to bring side dishes. At some point I started to ask company to bring things for a sandwich and chips meal. I often would try to have a church officer as a guest and I would warn him that he would be asked questions about his role in the church. Lesson learned - people are more important than the meal
Have you ever "known" a teller at your bank or a cashier at the grocery store? You often joke with each other or maybe make comments about the weather. Perhaps you caught a glimpse of their name tags and you even call them by name. Do you really know them? If we are going to be honest with each other we have to admit we don't do much better with a lot of people in our churches. We nod, smile and say all the right things but we don't take the time to really know each other. Having someone like that over for a meal or a dessert would be a big step in the right direction. Those people we walk by Sunday after Sunday without taking the time for a thoughtful conversation are our brothers and sisters in Christ.
There are many questions about hospitality. Can the way it looks in my life be different than the way it is in your life because of differences in personality and calling? Can I still exhibit hospitality if I don't or can't invite people into my home? Are church officers called to exhibit more hospitality than others? How does the church make room for the hostess extraordinaire as well as the person who feels awkward around others and can barely tolerate receiving hospitality let alone giving it? Whatever the answer to these questions one thing is certain. Scripture encourages us to exercise greater accountability,and greater love as we demonstrate the unity we have in Christ.
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