God of the Bits and Pieces

I have an ongoing project trying to sort and organize the mountain of papers I have saved over the years. A significant number of them fall into the category of "my writing".This morning as I picked up an older folder, one paper stood out. Instead of it being neatly typed this was on a crumpled sheet of paper filled with words in green ink. Instead of stating a problem and then giving the Biblical insight, Joanie Doe, mother of young children just stated the problem. What words of wisdom would Joanie Doe, mother of 4 adults and 6 grandchildren have for her younger self? I read a second time the words written in my pre-computer days.


Half of my life I am drowning in a flood of partially eaten apples, dirty unmatched socks, and tiny pieces of toys that hurt when crunched underfoot. Little helpers stick dirty fingers in my futile attempts to accomplish something, anything. When dishes are finally cleaned, rooms are straightened ( "When's company coming, Mommy?"), clutter and confusion spring up like persistent weeds.

How do I push back the flood? How do I help my dirty fingered helpers stand clean and upright before life and the Lord? Ideas and plans flourish in my head and in helpful books that line my shelf. "In everything with prayer and supplication let your desires be made known to God----" reverberates in my head and "Undisciplined parents make undisciplined children." is the echoing reply.

I have only a murky understanding of the good that is me, the talents I have to develop and share. Instead of joyously embracing all God has given me I sit under a pile of rotting apples, broken toys, dirty socks and half  formed dreams and wonder "Where do I begin?"


Wow, that seems like a life time ago. This might be some of the things I would say to my younger self.

Joanie,

I'm not sure whether you wrote this when you had 3 or possibly 4 children. As odd as it may seem the basic attitude you express is not foreign to me. When you are young it's easy to imagine the maturity that will exist in you as you enter your senior years. Unfortunately when that day came it was far too easy  to see all the bits and pieces of  my life. My books toppled from their shelves at best half read. My study of the Bible is as inconsistent as other reading. My plans to organize my home seem to happen in fits and starts. I follow up with old friends inconsistently. I fully intend to reach out to new women in my life and that often doesn't happen. I wonder why people seem to see me as this mature older woman, this wise counselor. Too often I feel like this 12 year old who has somehow been mistaken for a much older version of herself.

Whether I am in my thirties or in my sixties I often feel like my life is in bits and pieces. I want to see the whole picture. I want to clearly see the progress I have made towards a God honoring goal. I may not see this when I want to but God knows and is sovereignly making the big picture from all the bits and pieces of my life, redeeming  my woefully inadequate moments as He furthers His kingdom.

Romans 8:28 states And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those that are called according to his purpose. It does not say for all those who clean the house well, finish all projects, and discipline their children in only gentle but firm tones all things will work for good. The verse talks about an attitude of the heart given by our sovereign father not how many checks on a to do list. I can not see the big picture of my life but I trust in the kindness and goodness of the one who can.

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