Prequel to Cancer
A friend recently was diagnosed with breast cancer. That led me to look at journal entries I had made seventeen years ago when I had my first breast cancer scare.
We had been living in Lincoln, Nebraska for over nine years. We knew my husband was going to a new church in Vermont.That meant making a major move at Thanksgiving. In September my doctor scheduled me for a breast biopsy. His assurance that it was most likely benign did little to ease my anxiety. This surgery, especially the timing, seemed terribly unfair. I didn't need some chart on stress factors to know that a move and an operation were both towards the top of the list. After a sleepless night and many tears I decided to do something sensible. I pulled out my Bible. Like so many others when life seems to be closing in on them, I rediscovered the Psalms. I filled a notebook with the Psalms and other scriptures I had underlined during my time of intense study. There was nothing routine about this exercise, no easy fill in the blanks Bible lesson. I was like a boat adrift and these were the verses that anchored me to God. I got through the surgery and yes the lump was benign.
The week of Thanksgiving we left Lincoln and headed East. We had said our goodbyes. The church had even made a video of Steve's last service and people saying their farewells and words of appreciation to us. I was weary from so much crying, but confident that this was a right move and that God had many good things ahead of us.
The next months brought many adjustments, as we moved into a rented house while we continued to look for a home to buy. Our two teens enrolled in the local Christian high school. I attempted to get on a good homeschooling schedule with our two younger children. Adjusting to a new geographical environment as we made friends was a full time job.
Yes, my Bible was always where I could find it but the little notebook I had clung to during my stressful days in the Fall had now been shuffled to the side. Why should I remember those feelings of desperation when all I wanted now was our own house and a new Vermont normal?
In January I found another lump but I knew it must be just a cyst. It was too soon after the breast surgery in Nebraska. Surely if this was a problem they would have discovered it then. This couldn't be cancer, could it ?
We had been living in Lincoln, Nebraska for over nine years. We knew my husband was going to a new church in Vermont.That meant making a major move at Thanksgiving. In September my doctor scheduled me for a breast biopsy. His assurance that it was most likely benign did little to ease my anxiety. This surgery, especially the timing, seemed terribly unfair. I didn't need some chart on stress factors to know that a move and an operation were both towards the top of the list. After a sleepless night and many tears I decided to do something sensible. I pulled out my Bible. Like so many others when life seems to be closing in on them, I rediscovered the Psalms. I filled a notebook with the Psalms and other scriptures I had underlined during my time of intense study. There was nothing routine about this exercise, no easy fill in the blanks Bible lesson. I was like a boat adrift and these were the verses that anchored me to God. I got through the surgery and yes the lump was benign.
The week of Thanksgiving we left Lincoln and headed East. We had said our goodbyes. The church had even made a video of Steve's last service and people saying their farewells and words of appreciation to us. I was weary from so much crying, but confident that this was a right move and that God had many good things ahead of us.
The next months brought many adjustments, as we moved into a rented house while we continued to look for a home to buy. Our two teens enrolled in the local Christian high school. I attempted to get on a good homeschooling schedule with our two younger children. Adjusting to a new geographical environment as we made friends was a full time job.
Yes, my Bible was always where I could find it but the little notebook I had clung to during my stressful days in the Fall had now been shuffled to the side. Why should I remember those feelings of desperation when all I wanted now was our own house and a new Vermont normal?
In January I found another lump but I knew it must be just a cyst. It was too soon after the breast surgery in Nebraska. Surely if this was a problem they would have discovered it then. This couldn't be cancer, could it ?
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